Kill All Mascots!


I was assaulted by our mascot this morning, while trying to get in the front door to go to work. Exactly the thing I need on an incredibly humid morning. All I wanted to do was get in and get to my desk as quickly as possible but instead I had to pose for pictures for the visiting UW rep from Korea.

Our mascot, which is just our company logo with a face, legs, and of course, giant, white, four fingered hands, has been resurrected after a 3 year absence. The woman behind the mask is the partner of another employee who was laid off. I guess the pay was just too good to pass up?

I've always hated mascots. I hate the fact that you can't escape them when they are around you. I don't know what is creepier, when they talk or when they are silent.

I hooked up with a mascot once. My senior year of high school I worked for Chi-Chis as a hostess. I started hanging out with one of the servers who in addition to being his school's mascot was also a complete alcoholic. I think he was a hawk or something.

I have an easier time with animal mascots instead of human ones or fantasy creatures like the Philly Phanatic. Giant human heads with eyes that never move or blink and mouths that are always open and smiling are terrifying.

Mascots.