Daydream Believer

I am a world-class daydreamer. I have been, ever since I can remember. I would gladly take any opportunity to escape from an undesirable situation, which was most of the time for me.

I would spend hours inside my own head. While at school, after school, during long car rides and church. Constantly creating stories or hatching plans.

By the time I reached jr. high, I had entirely stopped caring about learning. I paid enough attention (most times) just to get by but most of my mental energy was spent on daydreaming. Truth be told, I was just bored. Looking back, I was definitely one of those kids that needed to be in a creative learning situation. Lecture style classrooms with repetitive exercises absolutely do not work for me.

Not surprisingly, I quickly sank to the lower level classes. Instead of learning basic algebra, I was creating mechanical designs for a robotic attack dog, complete with retractable razor fangs (for the times when you wanted him to be a pet). Or instead of intro biology, I was laying out the embryonic stages of a dragon in full color. Ok, so I was a slacker dork and this daydreaming plus other forms of escape later on (booze and boys) had me graduating at the bottom of my class. Class rank- 600 out of 650.

Somehow, (sheer will?) I have been able to move ahead in my life and have a fair level of success. Mind escapes are still a problem for me, though. Returning to meditation this year, I have found that I have a neverending stream of thoughts that overrun into everything and that I guess sheer will is the dam I have created to hold them back. Trying to come to a place of mental and emotional balance has shown me just how much these thoughts spill over into my consciousness.

I'm not interested in doing away with daydreaming or mental escapes but I do want to be ok with being present-minded. Why is it that we are not taught to do this in our culture? According to Buddhist beilefs, forward and backward thinking is the cause of most suffering. Our beliefs (social and religious) have us constantly stuck in the past and/or straining for the future.

I'm only at a point where for a moment or two I can sit without a thought taking hold. I don't think that successful practice is about the elimination of thought but rather it is not letting thoughts take hold. There's a lot of shit in my head and person that I will do anything not to see. I'm hoping that with continued practice I can finally stop running away.