Hypochondria

I've had hypochondria since I was very little. It's no big surprise, I was a pretty sick kid. I had very invasive surgery when I was four and each year until I was 14, I would have multiple, recurring infections. I stopped believing that my body was capable of healing itself. I viewed my body as either a hassle or as a threat. I became completely obsessed with disease and health.

My parents didn't know how to handle it. My mom has told me a story when I was 6 or 7, I asked the doctor if the medicine he was about to give me would poison me. At some point they just gave up trying to convince me that I wasn't going to die of- cancer, toxic shock, lockjaw, rabies.... My mom was confounded when my self-diagnosed case of scarlet fever turned out to be the real thing!

This body/health paranoia has been very hard for me to overcome. Fact is we are all truly at risk for health problems, even life-threatening ones. Hypervigilance isn't going to keep you living forever, disease-free. How you approach life is as every bit as important as your immunity. If I were to spend my time obsessing over how NOT to get sick my chances of an unhealthy life are greater.

Changing my mentality on this issue is by taking very small steps. The last two times I started to obsess (breast cancer and premature menopause) I stopped myself and asked myself what was behind the anxiety.

I also recognized that with the breast cancer scare I was picking up on the increased media and advertisements. It was October- Breast Cancer Awareness month. Understanding where I am personally and looking around to see if there are any outside triggers is very effective. Also, I went to the doctors and had my levels checked for premature menopause. I didn't allow myself to think about it or research it ad naseum until the results came back.

By understanding that what life does is to provide you with a series of choices and not insurmountable obstacles, I am beginning to let go of my fears.