I started running when I was 12 years old. My motivation at the time was to lose weight but it soon became obvious that running allowed me to keep my shit together mentally. At various points in my life, running has been my way to beat the devil out of me, to connect with myself, to challenge, and in one case to end an addiction.

Running, itself, has never been an addiction for me. It may have been, at times, part of an addiction but running has always maintained a separate place and purpose in my life. Running enabled me to withdraw in myself but still stay connected, alert and aware. I run without my glasses because I like to be able to feel the run with as little or no distractions as possible.

I ran competetively in my 20s. It's funny to look back on those times and acknowledge the need I had for measurable goals in whatever I was doing. Of course training for something like a race greatly reduces the drudgery of running but I think of my efforts at the time and I have to laugh. I was a chainsmoker for most of my 20s. Somehow, I was able to condition myself so that I could still run while smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes per day. Often you would find me lighting up, moments after crossing the finish line. I used my last race, a half-marathon, as my way of finally quitting.

I stopped running four years ago. When I adopted a macrobiotic diet, I was advised to stop running. I was told it created too much tightness in my body and wasn't good for my condition. I didn't argue to much because what runner doesn't secretly want to be told to not ever run again? It was good that I took the time off. It allowed me to heal myself without overtaxing my body and it allowed me to explore other forms of physical exercise. Most importantly, it finally got me to release my tight-as-a-steel-rod hamstrings! But I have yet to find a replacement for the mental release running provides for me. I love walking and hiking and they come in a very close second but it is simply not the same.

I'm preparing to return to running again this fall. I'm looking into a couple of races, if I find that I have returned to racing form by that time. More than anything, I'm longing to get back to the routine. I love running for the reason that many people hate it. I love the fact that most days a run is just a run. You get up and you do it. 9 times out of 10, there is no extreme rush, there's not a lot of excitement, it isn't glamorous at all and often it hurts. The beautiful runs, the perfect runs, rare as they are, are exhilarating! These perfect solitary moments are what motivates me.